Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
