My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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