it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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