you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
