OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
