i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
