remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
