This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
two words...techno handjob
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
