I faked an abortion last night.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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