Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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