Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
