i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
