apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
