I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
