I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I have fence marks all over my body
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
