I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
