i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Dick very happy bro
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
