I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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