I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
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