Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
