she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
