I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Randomize
