The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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