people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
