What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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