Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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