Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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