Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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