Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
She's the barista slut.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
