dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
