I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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