this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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