dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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