I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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