Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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