I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
