I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
not ubering you a puppy
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Pooping to opera.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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