I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
