Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Everyone says I win the strip club
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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