Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
