I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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