Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
