I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
