ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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