I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
