I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
