Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
