smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
