he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
