I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
