I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
In America we eat man semen.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
