Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
