We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You need Xanax blowdarts
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
